I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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