the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
