Just cropdusted the office
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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