well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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