My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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