i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
