just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
