my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
