captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just googled if crying burns calories
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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