I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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