if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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