I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
