i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
