I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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