Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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