Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
