I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
