I'm drive I can fine osifer
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
