My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
