Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
