Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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