Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
