my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
