Life is so much better after having sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
