Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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