That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
