You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
