My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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