Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
