No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
