He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize