Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
