oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
are you so shy because you have an std?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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