I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
