i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
