HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
