he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i love accidental penises.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize