the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
