Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize