Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
