is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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