Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
