i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
