Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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