tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
