my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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