They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
