She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
