she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ketchup is God's man juice
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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