I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
