apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize