i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
