I just pynch a tree in the face
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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