i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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