I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
