you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
