It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize