I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
