My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize