I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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