Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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