Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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