I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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