she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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