Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
