went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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