I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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