Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
