Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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