dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
