Me too!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
