I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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