Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
