so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
