does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
