Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
