i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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