My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
